Thinking of having kids?

I came across this on the Revive Our Hearts ministry page and had a good laugh while realizing that I could so relate to most of these things. If you are a mom, you'll be able to relate too. Enjoy...it was written by a mother who has six children, and it was entitled, “Thinking of Having Kids?”

She gives several lessons.

Lesson 1: If you’re thinking of having children . . .
-Go to the grocery store.
-Arrange to have your husband’s salary paid directly to their head office.
-Go home. Pick up your favorite magazine.
-Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2: To discover how the nights will feel . . .
-Walk around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other annoying noise) playing loudly.
-At 10PM, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
-Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
-Set the alarm for 3AM.
-As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and raid the refrigerator.
-Go to bed at 2:45AM.
-Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
-Sing songs in the dark until 4AM.
-Get up. Make breakfast.
-Keep this up for 5 years.
-Look cheerful.

Lesson 3: Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
-Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
-Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
-Time allowed for this—all morning.

Lesson 4:
-Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.
-Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle.
-Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs.
-Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

Lesson 5: Buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.
-Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
-Get a dime. Stick it in the cassette player.
-Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat.
-Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
-There. Perfect.

Lesson 6:
-Hollow out a melon.
-Make a small hole in the side.
-Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
-Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
-Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
-Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
-You are now ready to feed a nine-month old baby.